


The Detectives Guide to the Galaxy

by MintChocolateLeaves



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Crossover with Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, M/M, Sci-Fi AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintChocolateLeaves/pseuds/MintChocolateLeaves
Summary: Starring Shinichi - a human who's world has just been blown up. Heiji, the alien who saves his life. And Kaito, the president of the galaxy who's just stolen an intergalactic space craft.





	The Detectives Guide to the Galaxy

It is perhaps a peculiar day in of itself, the day planet Earth ends. Kudo Shinichi, one of the many citizens of Earth, living in the country _Japan,_ isn’t completely sure why everything feels off – but it does.

Maybe it’s because the local council have set their minds on the fact that they’re going to tear down the offices nearby his house in the Teitan prefecture, where he’s set up his own detective agency. Maybe it’s because he’s sat in a suit on the steps, refusing to move from the building that they’re trying to reduce to rubble.

Either way, it’s a peculiar day.

“No, I don’t care, _Sir,”_ Shinichi finds himself saying, pulling at his tie because _isn’t it hot today?_ “I bought the second floor of this building, and I’m not just going to let you blow it up.”

One of the construction workers – Shinichi’s too irritated to remember his name clearly, but it begins with a ‘y’. Yamada, maybe? Yusa? – raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest. He’s a big man, not fat by other cultural proportions, but he is bigger than most.

If he tries to move Shinichi, well, the detective’s pretty sure he’ll manage to get him outside the demolition zone. It’s why he’s chosen to sit on the steps, dragging people downstairs when they’re unwilling always leads to broken bones.

Surely Yamada(?) knows this.

“We’re scheduled to use controlled explosives by two p.m. don’t be unreasonable. If you were against the change, you should have complained to the town’s construction services.”

Shinichi crosses his arms, shakes his head. He’s got the day off, he’s more than willing to wait until any construction workers finish for the day. If there’s anything he currently has, it’s time.

He says, “I did complain, I sent _letters._ And a long chain of emails to a team of construction workers who didn’t know how to navigate a complaint, and didn’t know who to send it to.”

Yamada(?) lifts his lips in a way that can only be a sneer. The contempt in his eyes is almost equal to that of the murderers Shinichi’s caught during the term of his career.

“Not all of us are rich enough to just buy the floor of the building,” the man growls, “some of us have to work, and that means some of us are busy and can’t meet your every whim.”

Blood pressure rising at just the thought of continuing this conversation, Shinichi pinches the bridge of his nose. “You work for the people, you’re a _civil servant._ ”

“A civil servant who can’t do his job until you _move._ ”

Shinichi refuses. Even when the man threatens him with police involvement. It’d be a lot more intimidating, if he feared police action. Instead, Shinichi is confident, secure with the fact that the police will take the side of their drinking buddy and not those armed with explosives. Yamada(?) heaves in a sigh that racks quickly into a dry cough _(a smoker, Shinichi’s mind observes, rather unhelpfully),_ before turning on his heel to phone the non-emergency number.

Shinichi closes his eyes – only for a second – before breathing out a sigh of his own. He’d tried to complain, which was better than some. He’d have never known that the building was going to be demolished if he’d not had to solve the murder of one of the workers on floor 5.

And even then, he’d only found out through a rather brief conversation.

“I still can’t believe we have to move buildings, it’s a shame, this one’s so near to the train station.” _“Yeah, it sucks. Who’d have thought the architect would have made such a mistake?”_

Water cooler talk. It had been nothing worth listening to, until it had been. Even now, Shinichi’s frustrated that he’d not received any official documents regarding his tenancy.

“Kudo – hey, Kudo.”

It’s curious, how time almost seems to have _not_ passed, and yet here’s a fellow detective calling his name. Either the police response time for planned demolitions of buildings are a lot quicker than he’d been expecting, _or,_ Hattori Heiji had been on his way to see him already,

Shinichi opens his eyes, and there the man is.

“Hattori?”

The Osakan has a shoulder bag and is carrying a second which he holds out to Shinichi. The Tokyoite decides not to question it, and just takes it as Hattori sits next to him on the steps. Compared to Shinichi, Hattori looks underdressed – smart casual at best.

“What’re ya doing on th’ stairs?”

It’s an innocent question, and yet Shinichi feels irritation blooming in his stomach. A strange feeling, as he’s more accustomed to disappointment and sadness in his line of work, but _still_.

“I’m trying to make sure they don’t blow up my office. I just – can’t afford to lease another place.”

Hattori frowns, tilts his head to the side, attempting to thing. He says, “I can’t see why tha’s gonna be a problem. Will ya come with me t’ Tokyo skytower a sec?”

The request is sudden, odd, and frankly Shinichi doesn’t understand why he’d be convinced to do such a thing. He says, “but my office?”

“Yeah…?” Apparently, the question itself is not enough – Hattori nods to himself once before saying, “I have something incredibly important t’ tell ya, and it needs to be there.”

Shinichi really hopes Hattori’s not going to confess.

“Uh…?”

“It’s not a confession,” Hattori says, as if reading his mind, “well, it is – but not a romantic one. Listen, they’re not gonna be blowin’ anythin’ up until the police have been an’ gone, since they’re phonin’ ‘em an all, so Tokyo Skytree should be okay?”

Shinichi isn’t fully sure what’s going on, but within seconds he’s being dragged down the staircase by Hattori Heiji, with an unopened shoulder bag and any protests dying on the tip of his tongue.

“We’ll be back in a sec,” Hattori says, when they pass Yamada(?), “don’t go blowing anything up until th’ police have been an’ gone, ‘kay?”

Shinichi gives him a look, odd and peculiar in of itself, and shakes his head. He asks, “do you really trust them not to blow this place up?”

Hattori nods, “I trust them to the end of the world.”

“And how longs that?” Shinichi mutters.

“Oh, about 27 minutes,” Hattori says, cheerful in his demeanour as he pats Shinichi on the shoulder, “let’s get a move on, shall we?”

* * *

They reach the Tokyo Skytree quickly enough, although Hattori seems to give the impression that it’s not fast enough. He offers a word of ‘this is quicker than usual, it normally takes 15 minutes, we’re at 10.”

“Yeah, but tha’ means we’ve only got 17 minutes left, an’ we need a little more than tha’.” Hattori shakes his head, “nah, it’s okay, we can deal with that, just means no teriyaki fer us.”

“Teriyaki?” Shinichi does a double take, realises that while it might not seem like it, his friend is very much so _sober,_ and lets out a sigh. “What’s going on Hattori?”

“Gimme a sec, we’re going to the café first.”

They climb the skytree – or rather, they take the elevator up to the café, to where Hattori has booked a reservation which is, strangely _out of character_ , for such a hot head like him.

As soon as they’re pushed into seats, Hattori orders two green teas, and waves the waitress away. He doesn’t order food - Shinichi’s day keeps growing more and more peculiar.

“Will you tell me what’s going on now?” Shinichi says, exasperated. He pulls at his tie again – it’s overwhelmingly warm isn’t it? – before pulling it off completely. He pushes it into a pocket and undoes the top button to take a moment to _breathe._

“I will, after we’ve got our tea,” Hattori offers a smile. And then, turns his head to look out the window, down at the buildings below. It’s the calmest Shinichi’s ever seen him, and frankly, it sends alarm bells ringing against his eardrums a loud symphony of noise. “Ah, here it is.”

Two tea cups of green tea. Steam rises in wisps, something that Shinichi takes a moment to focus on before glancing up at Hattori. Now, the man grows almost anxious, paling slightly.

“Okay, so…” Hattori takes a moment, blinks before taking a sip of his own tea. “What if I told ya I wasn’t actually from Japan, but from a completely different planet about 17 light years away?”

Shinichi takes a moment to muse, sips at his own tea before:

“I’d ask what drugs you’d taken, and whether you needed help _returning_ them to the evidence locker.”

“Uh…” Hattori blinks again, “I’m not on drugs, but I am from a different planet. It’s called Osaka. And yeah, it sounds a lot like Osaka in Japan, but there’s a reason fer tha’, you know? I was travelling intergalactically, and I jus’ wrote Osaka, no co-ordinates an’ got trapped ‘ere on earth.”

“Right.”

There’s no other way to respond than to deadpan. His friend has finally gone insane, it’s the only plausible explanation.

“So ya don’t believe me, okay. Well – believe this, th’ world’s gonna end in like,” – he glances at his watch – “11 minutes, an’ whether ya believe it or not it’s gonna happen.”

Shinichi’s deadpan expression does not change. There’s a thing about accepting other people’s delusions that he’d learned while working cases that shows that sometimes it’s helpful to getting to the root cause – and he almost considers it as an option, but he isn’t sure.

It’s Hattori after all… Oh well, why not just try.

“So the world’s going to end? Why?”

“The universe is deleting it to make way for a new intergalactic police station, ya kno’?”

Okay… well, Shinichi’s hardly capable of coming up with a response to that, which doesn’t border on either sarcastic or completely confused. How big exactly, do they want an intergalactic police station to be?

“Okay…?”

“So we’re gonna leave before they end it,” Hattori continues. He leans into his pocket, pulls out what can only be a flask. Shinichi hopes it’s not actually as suspicious as it is. “Here, have some.”

Shinichi lifts his hand, takes the flask away from the Osakan and shakes his head. He says, “what is it? Let me guess, some alien potion?”

Hattori frowns. “What? No – it’s saké.”

Alcohol, at 10.30 a.m on a Thursday? Something’s clearly happened to the man Shinichi’s come to know and it’s bringing nothing but confusion. Shinichi sighs, “what’s it going to do huh, give my body help coping with the pressure when someone beams us up into their spaceship?”

The Osakan’s frown deepens. He shakes his head, almost violently and says, “of course not.”

“Then… why the saké?”

Hattori leans forward, opens the flask and heaves out a sigh. He says, “I just told you the worlds gonna end, an’ ya don’t need a drink?”

Shinichi takes a second to think, shrugs his shoulders and drinks. Why not? – It _is_ his day off after all.

“I don’t believe you, but I’ll give you those ten minutes to play into your delusion. Afterwards, I’m going to take you to like… the force’s grief counsellor or something.”

“Okay,” Heiji says. He gulps the rest of his tea, gives Shinichi a look that tells him to finish his own before saying, “let’s get going then. Can’t catch a ride out of here without getting a signal out first.”

“Get going where?”

Pointing his finger up, Heiji says, “up. Get drinkin’ Kudo, I feel like yer gonna need it.”

* * *

The minute before Earth ends, there is an announcement. It declares that Earth is being destroyed as part of the necessary demolitions to make room for a new intergalactic police station.

From where he is standing next to Hattori Heiji, on the top of the second observation deck of the Tokyo Skytree – _(Even now it feels odd, feeling the wind)_ – Kudo Shinichi realises that the world is about to end.

Hattori Heiji raises a communication device, aiming to get them both onto one of the ships readying to destroy the planet.

Kudo Shinichi finishes off the saké.

A minute later, the world has two less inhabitants, and the world is destroyed in a flash of light.


End file.
